April 28, 2025
by Marissa Holden
I did something I still feel conflicted about: I stopped talking to some friends of mine late last year.
It sounds harsh, I know. They had a new baby, and on the surface, you’re supposed to be happy for people when that happens. But it wasn’t that simple for me. Both of them are trans, and they already have a non-biological child who needs lifelong care because of severe mental disabilities.
I’m queer too. I know firsthand how terrifying it feels to exist in the U.S. right now, where rights are constantly under threat. Where the future feels unstable at best. And honestly… it crushed me to see them bring another baby into a world that feels so hostile — not just for queer families, but for any child who needs protection, consistency, healthcare, and a fighting chance at a good life.
It felt, to me, like a decision made with hope but without enough fear. And fear is such a real thing right now. The thought of raising a kid in a time when you can barely guarantee your own basic rights… it makes my chest tighten.
I didn’t know how to express any of this without sounding cruel. So instead of saying anything, I just… disappeared. Pulled back. Faded out. And even though I still stand by how I feel about the situation, it doesn’t make me feel any less sad about how things ended.
Sometimes, love and disagreement can’t live in the same room. And sometimes, the silence hurts just as much as the choices we couldn’t understand.
