April 24, 2025 By Olivia Carter

I’ve been struggling with something lately. Something that I can’t quite put into words, but it’s there, gnawing at me whenever I think about it. It all started when I noticed this weird… feeling? Maybe it’s admiration? Or something more? It sounds strange, but it’s like I’ve been feeling this pull toward my English teacher. She’s amazing—so smart, so articulate, and she has this calm but confident way about her that makes her stand out.

The thing is, she’s a woman. And I’m not sure what to do with these feelings. I don’t even know what they are exactly. I’ve always considered myself straight, but lately, I’ve found myself thinking about her in ways that are confusing. It’s like I want her attention, not in a way I’ve felt with anyone else, but more because she sees me in a different light—maybe because I’m good at English, or at least that’s what my classmates say. She gives me this ‘stage,’ where I feel important in her class, like I’m finally being noticed.

But it’s weird. It’s like I crave her approval, her praise, but at the same time, I don’t want to admit that I might feel more than just admiration. Is this normal? It’s like I’m not even sure of my own feelings right now. Maybe it’s just the validation, the attention I’m getting, but maybe it’s something else.

I guess I’ll have to figure this out on my own. For now, I just try to focus on the fact that I enjoy the subject and the little moments where she notices me. It’s all I can do for now.