Date: April 27, 2025

Author: Casey L. Reed

This past December, my partner cheated on me. I don’t think I can even put into words how much that has broken me. I love them so much, yet every time I think about it, all I feel is this overwhelming frustration and resentment. It’s like I’m carrying around this weight that I can’t shake, no matter how hard I try. I’ve been trying to move past it, but it just lingers.

What makes it worse is that now, I can’t stop thinking about my coworker. I’ve been noticing them in a way I never have before. I don’t even know what it is—maybe it’s the way they look at me or something—but I can’t stop these thoughts. And that makes me feel like a hypocrite. Here I am, so angry at my partner for their betrayal, yet I’m having these feelings for someone else. I never acted on them, but just thinking about it makes me feel like I’m betraying myself, even though I haven’t done anything wrong.

It’s eating me up inside. I feel so guilty for even thinking about it, but I can’t stop. I want to tell someone, anyone, but I can’t bring myself to tell anyone in my life. The idea of saying it out loud makes me feel like I’m already making it worse. It’s like this whole web of emotions that I just can’t untangle.

I feel like I’m losing control, and it’s making me want to throw up. I just don’t know what to do with all of this. It’s not just the betrayal that’s killing me—it’s also the fact that I’m having feelings for someone else, and I can’t escape the guilt.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for by writing this out, but I had to say something. I needed to get it off my chest. I just wish I knew how to stop all this from consuming me.