Date: April 29, 2025

Author: Alex Turner

You’d think I’d have figured this out by now. After my last fiasco where I Googled “how to be motivated” and then promptly took a nap, I swore I wouldn’t fall for my own procrastination tricks again. But of course, here I am.

The other day, I thought I was being clever. I decided to set up a productivity reward system—because, you know, that’s what all the productivity gurus say works. “I’ll work for an hour, then reward myself with a show,” I told myself. Easy enough, right? Just power through for a bit, then enjoy some well-earned screen time.

Well… let’s just say things didn’t go as planned.

Somehow, my brain just skipped the work part. I didn’t even try to pretend to be productive for an hour. No, I went straight to the reward. It wasn’t even a soft landing into a “I deserve this” moment. It was full-on, guilt-free binge mode. I made a snack, plopped myself on the couch, and immediately started streaming. All while telling myself, “You deserve this,” like I’d actually earned it. Spoiler alert: I hadn’t. I literally hadn’t done anything. But my brain? It was convincing me that the reward was deserved before I did a single productive thing.

At this point, I swear my brain is gaslighting me into being lazy, with extra steps. Like, I’ve somehow convinced myself that not working is a win because I get a little reward thrown in. It’s wild. The self-sabotage has become an art form. I’m not even sure how to break the cycle anymore.

But hey, tomorrow’s a new day, right? Maybe. Probably not. But I’ll keep trying, or at least pretending to.